Series: What
I'd Like to Know Is… (3/6)
August 12, 2012
Dear friends in Christ.
Fourteen years ago today, at this very moment, (roughly 9:30 AM) my
wife and I were probably beginning our descent into Charlotte, NC, which was
where we would catch the connecting flight to Ft. Lauderdale, which is where we
would continue the joyful adventure that was our honeymoon. Though it had only been a few days since I
had promised my love and my faithfulness to her, I had lovingly cherished her
for the four years that we dated before we were married. Though fourteen years have passed for us, my
love for her has only grown. I have
continued to lovingly cherish my wife as the precious gift which my heavenly
Father gave to me. And yet, even though
I can honestly say all of this to you, I cannot tell you that I have done any
of it perfectly. For as I studied the
words of our lesson and the expectations that the Lord has placed on me as a
man, and a husband and a father, I was cut to the heart to realize that though
I have lovingly cherished my wife for the past fourteen years, I have nowhere
near lovingly cherished my wife in the way that the Lord would have me.
Take a look at what I mean, turn with me to our
lesson in Ephesians and take a look at the responsibilities with which the Lord
is charging us as men and husbands. Paul
writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water
through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without
stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same
way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds
and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his
body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound
mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of
you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
husband." (Ephesians 5:25–33, NIV84)
Wow! These
are some very powerful words. These are
some very serious responsibilities with which the Lord God, our heavenly Father
is charging us as men. And these
responsibilities, though they are being proclaimed to husbands, do not only
apply to husbands! These
responsibilities with which the Lord is charging husbands today are
responsibilities with which he is charging every single male person; whether he
is a young boy, a teen-ager, a young man, a middle-aged man, an elderly man, a
husband, or a father. If you are male,
whether you are married or not, whether you are young or whether you are old,
the Lord your God, your heavenly Father, is charging you to lovingly cherish
your wife! Lovingly cherish your wife
through your words and actions in marriage, outside of marriage, before you are
married, and especially after you have been married.
But how do I do that? Take a look again at verse 25 and following:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through
the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain
or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." (Ephesians
5:25–27, NIV84)
With just a few simple words, the Lord lays out
exactly what he wants us, as men, to do for women, and especially for our
wives. He wants us to love them. But the love talked about here is not the
love of some gushy emotion that moves us into fleshly lusts of passion like we
see on TV where couples who barely know each other are jumping into bed for
thrills and giggles. No. The Lord wants us to love our wives with the
same type of self-sacrificing love with which Christ loved the church. This is agape love; self-sacrificing
love. This is love that has nothing to
do with whether that loved is deserved or not.
This is the love that moved the Lord, our God, to write our names in the
Lamb’s Book of Life, even though there is not single one of us who did anything
to deserve it! This is the love that
Christ bestowed upon his church, his people, each and every one of us when he
loved us so deeply and so strongly that he gave up his life for us on the
cross, to wash us clean of our sins, so that we could be presented to himself
as a radiant, stain-free bride. This is
the kind of love that moved mothers to cover their children and moved husbands,
fiancées, and even boy-friends to step between the shooter and the women who
were with them, when shots rang out in that Colorado theater last month. This is the kind of love that in some cases
caused men and women to give up their lives so that others might live.
This is the self-sacrificing love with which the
Lord calls husbands to cherish their wives.
This is the self-sacrificing love with which the Lord charges young men
and teen-boys to cherish their girl-friends and fiancées so that they do not,
in any way steal the gift of virginity which is a woman’s gift to give only to
her husband on her wedding night. This
is the self-sacrificing love with which the Lord wants us to cherish our wives
and the women in our lives, so that we do not give into the temptation of
pornography, whether it be the soft pornography that we see on a daily basis on
magazine covers in the checkout lines of stores everywhere, or it be the
hard-core pornography that so many men seek out in magazines and on the internet. This is the self-sacrificing love with which
the Lord wants us to crucify ourselves and our own evil desires so that we turn
to him in repentance for our sins. This
is the self-sacrificing love that moves us to no longer look for what we can
get out of a relationship and moves us to no longer see our wives as nothing
more than a cook, a baby-sitter, a clothes washer, and a sex partner. Rather this is the type of love that moves us
to see her as the God given treasure that she is! A woman to be cherished, to be nurtured, and
to be loved with the same self-sacrificing love with which Christ loved his
church and even handed over his very life unto death for her.
Gentlemen, as sons of our heavenly Father, the Lord
our God wants us to lovingly cherish our wives in the same way that Christ
lovingly cherished his church, just as Paul tells us in verses 28 and
following, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated
his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30
for we are members of his body." (Ephesians 5:28–30, NIV84)
Now, can I get a show of hands? How many of you hate your own body? How many of you, if given the chance, would
do everything you can to purposefully hurt or harm your own body? None of us here! Good grief, we stub our toes and suddenly we
are hopping around the living room like neurotic bunnies or collapsed in a
chair weeping like little children. We
get a paper cut, and suddenly we can’t mow the lawn because the vibrations are
causing too much pain for us to bear. If
our head begins to ache, or our muscles tense, it’s off to the medicine
cupboard for a couple of aspirin. If we
are tired, we sit down to rest in our favorite chair. If we’re bored, we flip on the TV to see what’s
on. If we’re thirsty we get something to
drink. If we’re hungry we get something
to eat. None of us hates our own bodies,
but we take care of them, we feed them and nourish them because we love our
bodies. In truth, some of us like our
bodies a whole lot more than we should, which is why the diet and nutrition
industry is so huge in our country.
But all joking aside, Gentlemen, it is very clear
what the Lord is saying to us! He is
calling on us to lovingly cherish our wives.
He is calling on us to love our wives, to care for our wives, and to
nurture our wives in the same way that we love, and care for, and nurture our
own bodies. He is calling on us to take
the role of nurturer in our homes by feeding our families with the word of
God. That means, men, that your heavenly
Father is calling on you to recognize your role as spiritual leader in your
family. It is your responsibility, men,
to live as an example for your children.
It is your responsibility, men to teach your children about Jesus, to
bring them to Sunday School so that they can learn about their Savior, and
bring your wife to Bible Study so that the two of you can grow together in
God’s Word. It is your responsibility,
men to change your habits and to teach your family that Sunday is the most
important day of the week; that Sunday is not a day for sleeping in. You can take a nap after church! You can go to bed early on Sunday night, but
Sunday is not a day for sleeping in! It
is your responsibility, men, to teach your children and your family what my
father taught me, and I quote, “I don’t care how late you stay up on Saturday,
you will be awake and attentive in church on Sunday morning even if I have to
sit next to you and keep poking you all the way through the service.” I know it might sound legalistic, but by my
father’s example, I learned just how important it was for me to be in
worship. It is because of my Father’s
example that my children are always in church.
Even if I wasn’t the Pastor, my children would be in church with me
every week. They would be in Sunday
School while my wife and I attended Bible Study, and even if I wasn’t a Pastor,
we would still be sending our children to the nearest WELS school we could
find. We would be doing this because my
job as husband and father is to nurture my family in the word of God through my
teaching, through my example, through my words, and through my actions.
But why is this our responsibility? Why is it important for us to lovingly
cherish our wives like this? Take a look
at what Paul tells us in verses 32-33: “This is a profound mystery—but I am
talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love
his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
(Ephesians 5:32–33, NIV84)
It is so important for us to lovingly cherish our
wives, because marriage is the sacred gift that the Lord God instituted between
one man and one woman. No matter what
society might say, marriage is the gift that the Lord instituted between one
man and one woman. It is important for
us to lovingly cherish our wives like this because just as our bodies are
temples of the Holy Spirit, so also our marriages are a picture of Christ and
his Church. In the same way that Christ
lovingly cherished his bride, the church, so also we, as husbands are called on
to lovingly cherish our brides, the women whom the Lord has given to stand by
our sides; the mothers of our children; the women who have agreed to marry us,
the girls and women who have entered into a relationship with us as our
girl-friends.
So then, how do we do it? How do we lovingly cherish our wives as God
would have us do? Let me give you 10
practical ways to lovingly cherish your wives as God would have you. These come an audio CD by Pastor Paul
Tsika. Those of you who have gone
through my pre-marriage course will recognize them:
1) Refuse to use harsh and condescending words
when talking to her.
2) Praise her before others, especially in front
of your children.
3) Be attentive to her and what she is saying:
Stop what you are doing, look into her eyes, and really listen, with your
heart, to what she is saying to you.
4) Ask for and consider her counsel; she is your
life partner.
5) Provide her with resources that she needs to
fulfill her responsibilities.
6) Never
embarrass her in front of others by exposing her weaknesses.
7) Dwell
on positive qualities as much as possible.
8) Never allow children to talk disrespectfully
to her.
9) Use kindness and gentleness in all your
dealings with her.
10) Attribute
the best possible motives to her actions.
The last three come from
me.
1) Get
yourself a copy of The Five Love
Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.
2) Read it and discover what your wife’s
primary love language is.
3) Speak
to her in her primary love language every single day.
Laura’s primary love language is quality time, and
every day, I make sure that I am in the kitchen with her while she is cooking
supper. I’m usually doing the dishes at
that time so that we can have more quality time later.
The final thing that I have for you today on how to
lovingly cherish your wife is really the first thing, and we will close with
it. Turn to the Lord in repentance for
all your failings and has for his forgiveness.
Though it is not our normal practice, we will close our sermon today
with our confession and God’s forgiveness.
Gentlemen, take out of your bulletins the ½ sheet insert and join me in
repentant confession and forgiveness. In this confession we will be confessing some
very specific sins, like pornography. Though
we all struggle with different sins, let us all boldly confess each of these
sins so that our joint confession might be a blessing and a source of strength
for our brothers and even our sisters who are dealing with these specific sins.
P: Let
us confess our sins to the Lord God, our heaven Father,
P/C: Almighty God, merciful Father, I, a troubled and repentant
sinner, confess that I have sinned against you in my thoughts, my words, and my
actions. I have not loved you with my
whole heart; I have not loved others as I should; I have not lovingly cherished
my wife as you would have me. I have not
selflessly loved her, nor have I loved her with self-sacrificing love. I have committed adultery by lusting after
others. I have been tempted by pornography
and allowed it to inspire other lusts in my mind. I have not loved my wife as I love myself,
nor have I always recognized or seized my position as the spiritual leader of
my family.
Silence for personal
confession.
P/C: I am troubled by my sins,
and I renounce them before you. I
renounce my sins to you and seek to go and leave my life of sin. Lord Jesus, I ask your forgiveness on each
and every one of my sins; those I remember and those I do not. I ask you to cleanse me of my sins, my body,
my soul, and my spirit; my heart, my mind, and my will. Send your Holy Spirit into my heart to assure
me of your forgiveness and to help me receive the forgiveness that you so
willingly pour out on me. Help me amend
my life and live as your dearly loved son, lovingly cherishing my wife as you
lovingly cherished me and gave yourself up for me.
P: Jesus
says to his people; “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven.” His death has paid for the guilt of your
sins, and indeed the sins of the entire world.
Go now and live in this forgiveness to the glory of our God, Father, Son
and Holy Spirit.
C: Amen.
P: And
the peace of God, which comes through the forgiveness of sins, the peace that
goes beyond all understanding, guard your hearts and your minds through faith
in Christ Jesus. Amen.
Pastor
David M. Shilling
Grace Evangelical Lutheran Church--Le Sueur, MN
